Halloween is coming and if you’re in South Carolina, for god’s sake, grease your shingles

I love Halloween. I can safely say that it is one of, if not the only holiday I celebrate with wild abandon. That said, there is no quicker way to end the party than to overdose on piles of mini candy bars and candy corn washed down with “seasonal drinks” often filled with "buttered" rum or “punch” and then fall asleep on a couch still dressed as a less than stealth ninja.

And then there is that hangover…worse than a typical hangover because you threw that extra dime store orange plastic pumpkin full of sugar down your throat. And yes, because it is Halloween, you rationalize that it is totally worth it, but that doesn’t make your head hurt any less the next morning. Well, why don’t you try gearing up for the nights of partying with the same strategy that scored you that costume that your friends can’t figure is a werewolf, the rat from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or even you under a pile of makeup and hair. Make a plan and stick to it to the best of your ability.

Begin about a week ahead of festivities making sure you are properly hydrated. Take a genuine interest in becoming a water bottle junkie and avoid drinking alcohol in excess if at all. Water molecules are required in the metabolism of alcohol, so it is easy to become dehydrated quickly leading to dizziness and balance issues followed by that seriously fun headache then next morning. This is especially likely to happen if you were not well-hydrated prior to those tasty drinks, which you really may want to limit to one per hour to give your body a better chance to cope. Increased urination will magnify a loss of electrolytes, so drink mineral water in between rounds.

Going out on an empty stomach can only make the impending hangover worse. Your digestive system needs something to do to slow down that alcohol metabolism. Having a solid meal (Think meat and potatoes!) in your stomach will lessen gastric irritation and allow you to last longer through the night and be less likely to gobble all sorts of candy or munchies through the night. Warm drinks, sugary drinks and champagne metabolize the fastest and should be avoided. Vodka and gin have the least concentration of congeners, by-products of termination and distillation, and should be chosen before drinks with wine, rum, tequila, or scotch. Unfortunately for the body, the higher the concentration of congeners, the more intense the hangover.

So you may or may not have prepared your body for the haunted forest that is a hangover, here’s how to deal with it. Before you go to bed, drinking an electrolyte replacement drink is a good idea to replace electrolytes and attempt to correct the body’s fluid balance. Having this next to your bed is also advisable in case you wake up thirsty. Avoid taking ibuprofen or other painkillers as they will irritate your stomach. If you can eat, have a hearty breakfast with some bouillon if possible. Anecdotally, I recommend a chicken or beef ramen cup to sooth the stomach and regain electrolytes. Avoid coffee as it will make the stomach more acidic and prolong digestive discomfort due to tannic acid. If you must have a warm breakfast beverage, opt for green tea. If your stomach is feeling normal, the big breakfast is just right. Eggs, bacon, and toast will help to absorb excess acid in the stomach and fuel you for your hangover bounce back.

And don’t forget you should finish where you started: Hydrate!

Happy Halloween!!

~beth

Maruchan Instant Lunch Can Cure Anything That Ails You, I Swear

Anytime anyone is sick or hung over or generally just feeling like ass, I always tell them the same thing. They should immediately get a liter or two of water, a handful of vitamin C, and a chicken flavored ramen soup cup. It will literally cure anything that ails you, at least conditions within reason.

The water will take away dehydration as a factor. Dehydration can cause lethargy, dry mouth, decreased urine output, thirst, muscle weakness, dizziness, and headaches. All of these symptoms can make whatever else is wrong with you feel about a million times worse. If your stomach can handle it, push the water. If your stomach cannot handle it, have fluids like ginger ale or Pedialyte which will be easier on your stomach but still hydrate you adequately. I know that Pedialyte is for kids, but I don't care, it comes in sippy bottles. You could put diesel fuel in a sippy bottle and there is a good chance I would give it a swig. But I digress...

Vitamin C is thought by many to be a cure all of sorts. It is a water soluble vitamin which means that you cannot technically overdose yourself on it. Various studies have shown that taking small doses of the vitamin throughout the day is the key to increased absorption rather than taking one megadose. For example, take four to five 250 mg doses of vitamin C at different times rather than one large 1000 mg dose in the morning. And as always, there are a large number of foods loaded with vitamin C, but if you are feeling like crap, odds are your appetite is really not that good. More later on vitamin C….

And now, the holy grail to my hangover, the chicken ramen soup cup. Sadly, I am a purist and will only consume the finest of all of the ramen soup cups, the Maruchan Instant Lunch brand. Don’t be bringing me any of those silly other brands. You fetch me that nasty Nissan on my deathbed and it’s not getting eaten. Sadly, the cure granted from this “food” I love is only anecdotal. While the sodium content is off the charts for what I would tell humans to consume in a day let alone a meal…in theory when you’re sick it helps you hold fluid, can be tasty on your dulled taste buds, and soothes the stomach. It is high in saturated fat and carbohydrates, but you can always argue the carbohydrates help replete your energy. Frankly, it is warm and tastes good and makes me feel less crappy.

So, that’s my key to not feeling as crappy as you were an hour before you sent someone to the store to fetch you this stuff. That and sleep…lots of glorious sleep.

*This post is dedicated to my lovely NY "wife" (above) who is feeling like ass today. If she hadn't eaten the last of my tasty tasty Maruchan Instant Lunch cups on Saturday night in a fit of drunkenness, I would totally fetch her one. ~ beth